You Suck At Cooking Guy

🎵 You suck at cooking 🎵 🎵 Yeah you totally suck 🎵 The Sandwich of Justice was first discovered by my friend Ryan many years ago I took his version of the Sandwich of Justice and developed my own because I was vegetarian at the time

I'm no longer vegetarian for ethical reasons but I still make this version of the sandwich because it's so delicious But you can feel free to add bacon The first thing you want to do is put some olive oil in a pan throw in some onion add in some garlic and then pour in some hash browns Add in a little pepper pepper pepper and add in a pinch of salt This little salt holder was a gift from my friend Jenny keeps it double fresh

While this is cooking, you can do all the rest of the prep What you need is thin wisps of a dill pickle thicker wisps of sliced tomato you want to throw some cheddar through a shredder have some avocado on standby and as the potatoes are getting close to finished you're going to want to get your eggs ready As I mentioned before you always want to just be respectful and give your eggs a minute before you actually cook with them [Law and Order sting] Hey, Dennis Hey, Chief

It's late, why don't you hit the bricks I will soon What are you working on? Oh, nothing Oh, for crying out loud, Dennis it wasn't a homicide I know I'm close, Chief, it just doesn't make sense! YOU don't make sense

What do you mean? It's like, you say, "Look at that car" and I say, "You're a car" Oh It's a joke Right Look at the video, Chief

Dennis: You ever seen an egg jump like that? Chief: No You want to know WHY? No! Dennis: Look right there There's a human Finger [dog barking] Dennis: Figgles, shut up! Chief: Human fingers is how 99% of us die these days

So what? It wasn't John and Douglas in that water, I know it! They murdered two innocent eggs and made an escape You know what you sound like? A God damn lunatic Dennis, look at me I am looking at you I know

Is everything alright? Chief: Are you doingokay? You know, Chief ever since Alex died– Oh, shut up! You lost a partner, boo-frigging-hoo I've had 27 partners ended up as omelets Shut your facehole and go home there's no case here, Dennis Maybe you're right Of course I'm right, that's my job as the chief of police I'm always right

[sound of a fire starting] Did you just burn a pile of evidence? Yes A fire, right here in your office? Yes Good man! Get a good sleep, we'll see you tomorrow Chief always knows best [dog barking] Dennis: Figgles, I swear to God

[offscreen] Detective Dennis? Yes, sir I believe you've been looking for me I have? Sorry, I didn't catch your name? You can call me John I always like to pepper pepper pepper them up This is the period of crucial timing

I've prepared the avocado the hash browns are almost done The bread you need has got to be wide enough If you go too small the structural integrity of the sandwich will be compromised Toast goes in While that's happening we're going to get the eggs started

Throw those bad boys in Toast is ready While the eggs are still cooking (they'll be done soon) Ryan insists the best way to spread mayonnaise is with a spoon so let's do that That's way too much mayo Let's take some off

Next layer is the hash browns Put a nice layer not too thick and scrunch them in to the bread Get your cheese onto the hash browns Your perfectly-timed egg comes in and creates a "cheese furnace" and also a layer of glue at the same time but not the kind made from horses It's made from chickens

Just a touch of ketchup for sweetness and also for traction Now we've got our pickles My God, do not skip this step If you don't like pickles get your head checked We're going to throw on our tomatoes little bit of mayo on your second piece of toast and then the avocado

Look at that creamy deliciousness Try to deny it I dare you Bam You want to slice it in half diagonally Look at this you don't even need two hands

If you wanted to, say, like go driving around and eat at the same time you can totally do that It's also safe Look at that what are we at, almost 90 degrees? Jesus! The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone you can say "justice is served" That's Ryan's line I built my whole life on the backs of my friends

[Law and Order sting] You know, Dennis, I've been thinking Oh my God Chief: No

🎵 You suck at cooking 🎵 🎵 Oh my God, you suck 🎵